you’re such a motherfucking sweetheart. you know exactly what to say. you’re such a flirt, but i like it. and we’re getting to be kinda close. i wanna trust you, i wanna warn you about the huge mess you’re getting yourself into by talking to me, but i don’t know how. i love how you call me babe and how you make me laugh and how you make me smile constantly. how you seem like such an adorable guy to be with. i love it. i actually think we could become something one day.
i just got this random urge to cry. to scream and bawl my eyes out. to cry and cry and cry about nothing at all and everything in the world. he doesn’t care. he doesn’t like me. he’s gone and i didn’t even get to say goodbye to him. i’ll never hear his laugh or watch his face light up with that amazing smile. i’ll never get to see him on christmas or play video games in his room again. i have to live with the fact that i let everything we had slip away.. that now my parents think i’m suicidal & that i slit my wrists every night. i’m fine and nobody believes me. i’m the strong one, but yet here i sit, crying tears i’ve been pushing back for a year. crying over things that i can’t change. crying because i’m not strong. i can’t handle this.
i love the light brown color of his eyes and how he picks me up when i refuse to stand or when i’m in his way and won’t move. i love how he’ll call me at 10 o’clock to go outside and get a hug. i love being with him. i love his hugs and how, sometimes, he’ll pick me up or he’ll squeeze me so tight i can’t breath. i love how my head comes up to about his chin and how i can rest my head perfectly on his chest. i love how he can make me laugh no matter what. i love how he defends me when people talk shit and how he always seems to know when i’m not okay. i love how he seems to care and how he cheers me up. i love how we’re so much closer than we used to be. i love this idiot, and i love our stupid friendship.
“He broke up with you, right? After telling you he loved you and calling you pet names like baby and cutie? Yeah, I know he lavished you in compliments, only to put himself down so you would stroke his fake low ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful? I bet he promised you a personalized song. Or maybe he’d always mention how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged “I love you” out of you, didn’t he? Yeah, don’t deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night, but we both know he slept like a rock. He made you love pictures that were just sort of “bleh” before. Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart? Yeah, me too. All of your friends hate him now, don’t they? Remember how happy they were for you? They warned you. Just remember, it’s okay to cry. And referring to him as “asshole” is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you’ll end up talking about him just as often, if not more, than before the break up. There will be the “one time”s and the “I remember”s, and once you think you’re over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he’ll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain. Yeah, you’ll compare all guys to him, because aside from the man-whorish, heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you had ever wanted. Or maybe you made that up. Maybe, the second he started to show interest, you made up this perfect guy in your head, and he just happened to be just like him. Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon. Okay, so I didn’t believe it either, but I’m starting to.The most important thing though is don’t let him know he hurt you. Don’t let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Make him think you’re completely happy. When he decides to wave at you like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure. But don’t smile. Make him think he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him.”—